Beyond the Fog Within

Like a dense fog this pain prevents me from seeing beyond
Such intense pain
It touches the deepest parts of my bones
Yet my soul remembers warmth
Of moments which felt like like spring

Where are the days without the rain?
Without the pain?
Without the sorrow?
Like a thief in the night 
Depression steals sweet moments of love

Like a puzzling riddle it tortures my soul
Memories hidden from so long ago
How can I face these memories
When I feel broken by their very shadow?
How will my mind survive, if I have to see their horror?

Like a roaring tornado thoughts rush in
One after another they come 
Where will I find the sweet peace of silence?
Between which hemisphere of shadows,
Lies the unlocking key?
Like David and Goliath, 
The brutal wrestling match goes on.

Unable to make peace with these century old demons
They promise to save me, if I am willing to take their hand
I take a good look at them,
Before I feel crushed one more time

What a horror, to know the reality behind the masks
They are not demons...
They are my broken parts
Forcing me to look at the brutality imposed by sinful acts!

I resist the immense pain, 
I try to fight back
Holding onto my sanity
Trying to remember those I love
The kindness of beautiful spirits
To my thirsty and battered soul 
Their love has been like a glass full of fresh water

Where does this cycle of torture stop before I can breathe again?
My battered wings awaiting to take flight one more time
What mixture of heroism am I to use this time?
Like a sorcerer who las her footing
Quickly the right potion I try to find

Maybe after this last "trip" down memory lane
All will cease and be well
Or is this all for nothing?
Is there another foggy day to come?
Promising relief when all is said and done?

Will I see the light again
Or will the force of the the dark nebula devour me?
Will I be consume by its haunting fires?
Will I ever see again the sweet rays of hope?
Will I stand one more time,
Or will there be no coming back?
Will I be able to defeat this feelings of hatred and revenge?

Like a monstrous wounded dragon, they rise up
Memories which threatened my very reality
The battle is on...
Here I go, one more time.

I can hear the beating of the drums, 
The claspin of the mental swords
My mind is but a cave with many places to hide
In what miserable crater did I lose myself this time?
Against what cold wall will I find my "core"?
Her little arms wrapped around her legs
Pleading...."please no more".

How can I make her see that it's safe to come with me?
My own will has been shaken
Afraid I will not make it out this time
Yet I still want to find her,
"come to me little one".

Life may be a winter of false hopes
A fallen cry without sleep
They have deceived me many times
Promises like barren autumn trees

Within the stretched network of cravings
The inner child is lost again
Maybe she is just that....
A semblance, elusive and benevolent

Here I am little one
Let me hold you one more time
In my arms you are safe
They will not hurt you, protecting you I will die

I may be stubborn and full of fury 
But I love the innocence you bring to my life
You are the light to my blind eyes
Goddess, woman, mother and child
That is who "we" are!

Let me rock you in my arms 
Until your light once more shines
I cannot promise you a happy ending to this life
But together we will rise
For depression is nor our enemy
It is our friend in disguise
Trying to reunite our broken pieces
So our spirit may soar high
High into the beautiful blue skies.

-Sofia E. Falcone-

Dedicated to those who battle with depression or traumas; what happened doesn't define you--YOU are beautiful. This is an old poem which was written after one of my "dark nights of the soul".  I keep it within my collection Enigma of my Heart Volume II, Raw poetry.  Thank you for your support.