Happiness or Passion?

Since we are children, through movies and storybooks, we are often indoctrinated to think happiness is the main goal, one we are to chase. We are not taught that it is our birthright; instead, we are left with this uneasy feeling that we have to earn it. Neither are we taught happiness is an emotion, not a state of being; this, of course, only sets the ground for further confusion and disappointment, for if one fails to be happy, then either there is something inherently wrong or one has failed in life. It is no wonder why so many people end up frustrated, resentful, sarcastic, bitter, or, in best-case scenarios, sitting in front of a therapist wondering why they feel so unhappy.

Kant claimed that happiness is the satisfaction of all our needs, but is that accurate? It seems a lot to ask of a person; happiness is as unattainable as it is distressing because it pushes people to live in a state of constant frustration. This idealized saying of his, paradoxically, becomes an aversive because one’s level of calm and peace, are lost in the face of a disproportionate and especially rigid conceptual demand. “All needs…” seems to me too much to ask of human beings, as we are by nature mutable, and so is life itself.

The search for happiness is an aspiration or desire that seems innate and has accompanied human beings since the beginning of time. Man, consciously or unconsciously, feels impelled towards pleasure and the tranquility of the soul–serenity and joy– that go beyond the immediate turbulence of sensations….the Greeks called it eudaimonism.

Most people, when point blank, ask: what is happiness? They are often confused….it takes them a bit to figure it out–are they seeking or lacking happiness, or is it the programming that demands it and leaves them feeling as if they do not have it? The programming seems to demand it to the point that one isn’t in control, but by inertia, we push forward towards what seems an always elusive goal or mirage.

What are we talking about when we are referring to happiness? is it a place? a Nirvana? a state of being? I guess this varies according to the culture, society and programming you grew up with. However, as previously mentioned, happiness is an emotion, and all emotions are transient; why do we spend so much energy trying to attain something that, once achieved, will eventually leave us? for that is its very nature. Is it possible that to be happy is best to be realistic? This doesn’t mean giving up and living within a gray area; I mean letting’s stop behaving like addicts expecting our next fix to bring forth a permanent state of happiness.

Is it possible, had we been taught happiness is just another emotion, like a pain but enjoyable, we would be less harsh on ourselves and not so demanding and competitive? Maybe then, we would not have this incessant ill need to prove one is happier than the next person. After all, we are referring to a process not a place of being. A more realistic attitude about happiness would involve assuming two premises: (a) that it is not a goal, and (b) that it does not respond to the principle of all or nothing (you can be more or less happy).

Perhaps by learning to understand that internal peace with our essence (this peace can take place even when we are experiencing the worst of days) is a state of being, and happiness is a transient emotion, we would have more people feeling less pressured always to pretend and put a smile; acting as if everything in their lives is perfect and they feel nothing unpleasant–the result of fear….fear of being judged not just by others but by their own internal critic.

Is it possible that if we understood the above concepts (internal peace/happiness) appropriately, we would actually feel more moments of happiness?…simply because we would be allowing ourselves to be–without judging or hiding whenever we are experiencing sadness, anger, depression, or pain?

Perhaps by learning to understand that internal peace with our essence (this peace can take place even when we are experiencing the worst of days) is a state of being, and happiness is a transient emotion, we would have more people feeling less pressured always to pretend and put a smile; acting as if everything in their lives is perfect and they feel nothing unpleasant–the result of fear….fear of being judged not just by others but by their own internal critic.
This constant neurotic feeling of always needing to be happy has also robbed us of something more valuable…the ability to live with passion and freedom. First we have dogma saying we need to live with rigidity in order to be worthy of a place in heaven or some other nirvana–it makes sense then, people don’t get to experience passion in this life; how could they? they need to avoid feeling intense joy and elation in all areas of their lives, otherwise, they won’t be welcomed within a mythological place by a deity that demands mental, physical and spiritual (free spirit) castration, and who demands constant adoration – seems to me the total opposite of a loving force meant to help one expand and which in its omnipotence cares not for your adoration or mine.

In confusing Divinity with deities (which were meant to be paths or channels, not the goal but the tool), people have come to live in further dissonance – on the outside, they “follow” imposed rules, not a code chosen for the benefit of oneself, while on the inside they are tormented by their own lack of congruency. They have erroneously come to equate following their passions to following a detrimental way of living, in which addictions and self-abuse of all sorts lead the way. Every day they live having to put on the heavy mask of deceit which they feel is normal because “everyone else does it” – this herd mentality of appearing pious on the outside while hiding unnatural and unhealthy desires seems to be the “norm” of the “well-adapted person.”
** note I do not use the world individual, because to be an individual is to self-command (not control but regulate, integrating our shadow and light). An individual does not follow the crow but chooses his or her essence over “should” if that should leads only to the erosion of one’s unique authenticity and to the disconnection, dissociation, and dissonance of self.

These dissonant and detrimental behaviors came to be because they were taught they needed to suppress natural healthy desires and behaviors, which just needed to be understood, channeled, and balanced, not controlled.  Like a damn which cannot be contained, when unproperly channeled, whatever we suppress builds momentum and pressure and will turn against the individual, breaking through and letting its then stagnant and contaminated waters drown the person in a sea of more and more hypocrisy and disconnection.  In their fear of experiencing healthy natural passion, they have come to follow a path so superficial and fragile that their whole life is out of their own dominion and in total disservice to their essence–they have equated their self-abuse as passion. But passion never abuses the self.  Passion is the very fabric of life itself; it is intense, sensual, free, sacred yet wild in its expression (wild isn’t the same as raunchy or pornographic), alluring, loving, healing, energizing–the total opposite of self-denigration or rigidity.

To live with passion is to live…but again, let us not confuse intense momentary emotions with living with passion. Passion requires being aware…conscious. It needs to be cultivated for those to whom it does not come naturally. How does one do this? by getting in touch with your unique self and embracing your shadow–as we do this, organically we start to experience different layers and shades within our world. The world doesn’t change, but the way we experience it does.

Seneca recommended that before going to bed at night, we ask ourselves if we have really lived that day….because every day is a gift. Live with consciousness which means to be involved in what we do and what we stop doing–to dive, to submerge ourselves in the moment–for those very moments will give us the fuel and the energy to overcome and transmute moments of pain or difficulties….which are bound to happen, for such is life.

It is true we are not always plugged in our highest capacity, but that does not mean we should surrender to the apathy of the insensitive, the sarcastic, the falsely rebellious or the rigid….where is the beauty in that?….

To the person who lives with passion, who feels it in his very fiber….beauty, sensuality, love, purity, and magnificence are everywhere–like Spinoza’s God, the person with passion in his veins, experiences divinity every day, from the simplest most mundane things to the highest of pleasures.

Divinity and its beauty are everywhere; we stumble on it all the time, but we don’t see it. What could I possibly discover if I am locked waiting for nirvana or some lost paradise? The sage does not seek eternity, he already dwells in it. The real sage is not one who locks himself from the world and its healthy pleasures, but the one who has the capacity to be part of the world and using his discernment, knows how to identify and give himself to life’s healthy sensuous passions–for sensuality is in everything, from the tasting of a delicious piece of chocolate, the dance of a butterfly, the creating of something to the ecstasy of making love.

The plan is to lower the sensory thresholds so that the experience enters and shakes us to higher levels of consciousness. People resign themselves to lethargy, to the paralysis of the senses; to the point that they live dead while alive….hoping for some reward for their spiritual and physical castrations. Yet, to be a good human being has nothing to do with rigidity or false merits….on the contrary, to be a good human, you need to feel. When we truly feel, we become more empathetic towards ourselves and others.

Living implies being committed to one’s self so that nothing important escapes us; every illusion, dream, and memory counts: perceiving everything with intensity, remembering with luxury the details….shamelessly feeling, liking, and tasting. I am talking about really feeling, but again, we only get in touch with our feelings when we allow ourselves to feel both the good and bad within us.

Passion is the essential vitality of those who do not resign themselves to giving up. Those who know in life we will win some and lose some, but that doesn’t have to define us, nor can it stop us from moving forward once we are ready. Passion is the beautiful motor of life, the one that lowers the defenses of the false ego, nurtures the healthy ego, cradles and fuels one’s unique essence, and lets the capacity of the five senses multiply. Passion is the feeling of the most beautiful, soothing fire from within. Passion is not just part of you but your birthright!

“Believe in Your Heart. Believe in your heart that you’re meant to live a life full of passion, purpose, magic and miracles.”
― Roy T. Bennett