As I was re-reading some of my Tantric Books and old material, I came across a beautiful piece that focuses on the sexual wounds we carry, which, like childhood wounds, have a tremendous impact on our lives. As such, I would like to share some of what I read with all of you….
Some may think this article is focused only on women, but that isn’t accurate. It is true that Tantra focuses on the Goddess as the creative power, and on the males as the Gods who can liberate and transform such creative power…. this piece is for both men and women.
Just as emotional wounds leave an imprint in our hearts from the first years of life, waiting to be felt and embraced….to be healed–a woman’s uterus can contain sexual wounds inflicted throughout the trajectory of her sex life, and these wounds can affect not only her but her partners. Moreover, women who decide to have superficial repeated sex with men who do not love or care for them, who use, abuse, and/or hurt them in different ways in the act of penetrating, are exposing themselves to the emotional pain of sexual component inside their uterus.
Indeed, some women can genuinely separate love from sexuality without castrating their femineity (their actions aren’t born from trying to be like a “man”)– these types of women are Psychologically sexually mature; as such, they are very picky about whom their sexual partner(s) may be. For them, it is not about empty sex but pure ecstasy, and that can’t be achieved by sharing oneself with just about anyone willing, for true intimacy requires psychological rapport.
Unfortunately, like many things in our current society, female sexual empowerment has been equated with abuse of self…some claim they represent the Goddess–sexuality without shame–but they seem to miss that the Goddess archetype, although uninhibited and free of any Puritan shame,, does not abuse her body. She knows when and how to express her sexual power; more importantly, she has developed and cultivated her Psychological and Spiritual Goddess to a place of maturity.
To simply engage in empty sex or to confuse uninhibited sensuality with immature raunchiness, is mental immaturity at its finest, and often the result of psychological wounds–instead of healing those first, in their pain they confuse such immaturity or the desire to run away from their own pain, with “challenging” a system by promoting “vengeance”–even through their sexuality. Vengeance against the old patriarchal system and against the women who erroneously believe that castrating their sexuality and acting properly in external ways is equated to being worthy or better than others; however, in counseling, one discovers the amount of anger, resentment, and disdain these often feel towards themselves and others.
The first group seeks vengeance through defiance, but when defiance is just as immature as the system that oppresses (second group/rigid inhibited females), the results are the same, if not worse. It is easy to mislead a society and make them feel free when taking them from one extreme to the other, yet either extreme leads to the same….those in control and those who are controlled…neither heals nor truly empowers.
Sensuality is quite different than abuse of self. A sensual woman will not ever violate her body in anger, in fear of not being accepted, in false freedom, nor will she ever seek vengeance over males–belittling them, seeking to emasculate them–a sensual woman understands the true power of a masculine man. A true masculine man does not see himself as better than a woman; on the contrary, he understands they are counterparts. They don’t seek to be equal in everything because that is cutting themselves from their own respective powers…. some things are only given to the feminine and others to the masculine. We are not equals in how we carry that energy inside; otherwise, we would all be women, or we would all be men. We are not equal in how our inner mechanisms express themselves, for they are different energies, but we are equal in the fact that both genders carry the same energy, and both are divine beings deserving of love and respect. Controlling is no longer a desire when we respect one another, and psychological submission (no voice) is certainly not part of the equation. One becomes capable of being free within our differences, and those differences create the magick we seek….they complement one another.
I will not deny that our society vastly promotes the abuse of the female and her power but let’s not pretend that women do not also sexually and emotionally hurt men when they mistreat them, they use, manipulate and devalue them; psychologically and emotionally castrating them, making them incapable to be the ones who hold space for the Divine Feminine.
Having said all of these, today the focus is on the sexual wounds of women because the uterus is a container that can contain emotional damage when it is treated as a sexual object, when it is a place where different men discharge their frustrations, resentments and emotional residues–this piece, however, can be useful to any man who knows how to love, protect and respect women….not in rigidity but in openness.
Pseudo-Science would have you believe that there is nothing harmful in fluid exchange; as such we should not give much thought to our bodies being shared with one person or another–in other words, this paradigm seeks to equate a human being with just another animal…no thank you. They seem to believe we cannot have the capacity, maturity and intelligence to be uninhibited yet cherish our psyches and bodies. We can’t call ourselves the most complex, developed species and yet act by pure instinct. Even that comparison is wrong, for animals’ instinct has a purpose; so are they saying we are even less than that?….
Tantra and pure science tell us that the etheric energies are mixed when we are sexual and that those energies remain for up to seven years in the woman’s body–affecting not only her but her new partners. To Tantra, every sexual encounter creates a bond–it doesn’t have to be memorable in your mind, but just like most things subconscious, it does affect your own energy center and the way you start to look at the world. Women are pure creative energy; as such, they perceive this bond unconsciously; that is why we feel linked after the sexual act. Tantric women, or psychologically mentally mature women, feel these effects and decide to be more careful and selective in choosing their sexual partners–at times taking time to celibate in order to detox the body–that way, they heal themselves and they only give away healing energy during the sexual act. Their choices aren’t based on rigidity and false moralistic views; they simply don’t need to use and abuse men to please themselves. They love themselves and can self-gratify intensely; as such, when being involved with a man, he becomes a partner, not a toy – when they choose a partner/lover or lovers, they make sure to have rapport and see if the energies will align and benefit all involved, psychologically, physically and spiritually.
“Sexual liberation has brought fast sex. Fast and utilitarian sex. There are narcissistic, destructive, and self-centered men who seek their own gratification and, from their unconsciousness and ignorance, use the woman to ejaculate as a means of releasing their energy, their frustrations, and even their aggressive impulses. Some women expose themselves out of ignorance or naivety and unconsciousness because they do not understand the price they are paying when orgasming with men who are only using them, for they have no rapport. Many sexual encounters are experienced lightly when, deep down, there is exploitation, subjugation, contempt, rivalry, devaluation, and abuse – Here, I am not referring to consensual, mature, playful encounters but to detrimental subjugation. Just as no one is surprised at the consequences a woman suffers when she is raped or abused, presenting traumas that need to be healed, we should not be surprised when through empty sex, even if it is consensual, leaves similar repercussions.
Some women do not know how to set limits when it comes to sex, they do whatever the man wants out of fear rather than the pure desire to do so. Some women do not take care of themselves, who are not aware of what hurts them; especially young women. Allowing themselves to be penetrated indiscriminately consumes their vital energy and undermines their power and creative strength. The womb is a center of perception and decision-making; the energetic center and seat of vitality, well-being, and spirit, the cradle of our instinct and vital force, a sacred place with which we need to reconnect and be fully aware of its extraordinary life-generating force.
When a woman has sex with selfish men who do not love her, she is accentuating the wound on the feminine. The woman who gives empty sex in exchange for love pays a price: she usually falls in love when having sex, because her nature is to love in sexual relations, she opens up to receive and then feels linked”
All of the above is accurate, I have seen many women with sexual wounds and different physical and psychological symptoms (depression, insecurity, devaluation, anxiety, guilt–not rooted in other traumas but on empty sex or having themselves allowed to be used). These women have been in relationships with narcissistic men, sexually immature men, absent in sexual relations, and lost in their fantasies of self-satisfaction. A Tantric woman or mentally sexually mature woman is picky on her choices–once she chooses her partner, she will test his mind first, his spirit…pushing him to his limits, nudging him to question the depth of his being while soothing him–only after that, will she shamelessly let him know of her intentions–sacred yet wild–such encounters then become energy producing rather than energy depleting. Empty sex…where moments of the most basic orgasmic pleasure become the center, instead of deep, meaningful, passionate earth-shattering orgasms–as women, we deny ourselves all of that by giving our body to anyone willing.
“The woman herself is harmed when she acts from a masculine pattern, with superficial sexuality detached from the heart, by allowing the man to use her to discharge and relieve his sexual tension, in a sexual act that is a form of masturbation. Now, what is not good for her cannot be good for him either; keep in mind that the same little consideration he demonstrated is what he carries within; his energy is not developed, as such, of little use.
The pelvis is a container of physical, emotional and spiritual energies. It is the zone of creativity, expressiveness, and sensuality. The womb is the pure matrix of divine energy, the repository of sexual history, both good erotic and traumatic experiences. The pelvis reflects sexuality, the ability to root ourselves and find our place in the world. Enjoying a healthy pelvis allows women to enjoy good sexuality and live their female cycles naturally. When a woman is freed from the false desire to please and values her pelvis, the energy flows, and creativity is released; she recovers the strength and power and begins to integrate the wild woman archetype.
The woman also assaults her uterus when she rejects the sacred female cycles and believes that menstruation is something annoying that limits her and hinders her rhythm to act on an equal footing with the man. A woman has to discern between what does her good and what does her harm. It is necessary to recognize the value and meaning of female cycles and heal the pain, fear and resentments of the uterus by becoming aware and contacting internal sexual wounds.
Once the woman meets a man who understands about bonds and healing rapport, then she will give away pure energy. The relationship doesn’t have to be serious or the norm, but it needs to be open and from a loving place. When a woman gets involved with a man who wants to get emotionally involved, it can happen that the emotional pain of the sexual component that has been accumulated in her uterus comes to light, and wounds for both may manifest, providing them the opportunity for healing in a safe and loving atmosphere. A shallow man, an empty man, or a man incapable of feeling, can only represent, through the sexual act, all those who have previously harmed the woman, and when she comes into contact with him, the wounds will only get deeper.
Now, contact with a man who is on a path of consciousness, who has opened his heart and integrated his feminine energy without emasculating himself, greatly facilitates the drainage of sexual and emotional wounds and helps her heal her uterus. He sees her as a Goddess, not just someone to possess sexually and she embraces him in a complete and confident surrender. A man who honors and reveres the feminine is what a woman needs to heal her wounds and which without knowing, he needs as well”
Tantric sexuality represents an extraordinary help in the healing of the sexual wounds of women – and also for those of men – because it has a high transformative power capable of rebalancing all planes, from the physical and emotional to the spiritual; making it possible to incorporate in each loving encounter new information to the body and soul–all coming from a place of real self-respect, freedom to be uninhibited, consideration and unconditional love. In the words of Barry Long: “Make love out of love, just out of love. And when you’re making love don’t expect anything beyond that moment. If there is not enough love in your partner, stop doing it; don’t make love.”-A woman who understands this at heart is a powerful creature…a passionate, wild being whom only those willing to face her can touch.
It is essential for the woman who walks a path of consciousness to be extremely careful in the choice of her sexual partners–far from being a sign of repression or false moralistic denial, it is sexual freedom at its finest…for it means going a little further and being fully responsible and aware of the consequences of our choices.
Eiros 