Many factors influence an individual’s views on sex and intimacy, including personal values, past experiences, cultural background, and individual preferences. It’s essential to respect and honor diverse perspectives on sexuality and allow individuals to explore and define their boundaries and desires. With that said, nobody can deny that pure sex can be pleasurable and quite addictive- men can relate to the latter more than women, although not exclusively as women are learning to take back charge of their pleasure. In Tantra, we poetically say the improper activation, concentration, discharge, and channeling of sexuality- especially the orgasm- can overthrow thrones, question vocations, bankrupt companies, and destroy marriages. On its opposite, proper activation, concentration, discharge, and channeling can move mountains, bring alignment, heal traumas, liberate the spirit, expand the mind, open consciousness, and allow one more than just a few seconds of Nirvana — in other words, pure ecstasy.
Unguided sexual desire does not measure consequences; for the immature mind or novice – people who may have lots of sex, but this is mediocre at best – feels almost always as if desired was beyond one’s dominion, strength, and will. For the sexual energy to reach its full sublimity requires the ability of an experienced soul to keep this energy for one’s service. An experienced Tantric or soul does not sleep around, but is one who lives congruently, honoring the soul, mind, body and spirit, by daring to reach where others fear…. this experienced soul is the sum of light and dark, wild yet sacred…in other words it is a free spirit.
To the primitive mind, sexuality is all about anatomical sex – this is why after a while comes frustration, for sex becomes robotic, mechanical and boring. But sexuality is something else. Sexuality is the humanization of raw sex. It is the activity through which we include genitality in an interpersonal context that goes beyond the physical. In the emotional environment, sexuality transcends the physical and is located in “a before” and “an after.” It lasts longer and goes beyond our expectations. It is charming, seductive, deep, loving, wild, shameless and unbridled…. all of these get reflected on the wave after wave of orgasms that are to come.
Benedetti explains it like this: Like adventure and enigma the caress begins. From becoming a caress, it is clear that the best is not the caress itself.
In loving Tantric sexuality, the climax is not the culmination but the beginning of a reunion, free of sexual tension but full of the deep connection created by this: affection in its purest form. The connection with one’s lover strengthens, impregnated with tenderness in the heat of a full heart and a beautifully fatigued body.
But if sex is stripped of all connection and/or affection, the experience ends in the mediocre…. the superficial physiological. There is no continuation or even prelude. It is punctual, less than primitive yet robotic, and detrimental. There is no desire for permanence, sublime ecstasy or expansion when the culmination is achieved. On the contrary, every moment after culmination becomes torment as neither person wants to be seen and are often left in shame. If there is no affection, “postcoital” becomes suffocating, uncomfortable, cloying, and tiring…there is no divine pride of having conquered and been conquered until two become truly one. Instead, there is only disgust left.
We are much more than gorillas responding to rigid environmental or reproductive predestination. We are much more than biology. When two lovers connect sexually, sexual activity is transmuted into Divine yet Wild Communion. I’m not saying that deep affection or a permanent relationship is essential, what I maintain is that sex needs to be accompanied by some love and/or care. While making love with love is the best of redundancies, sex, for sex’s sake, can be pleasant and concise. Yet, it will lead to boredom and create a high probability of a desire to escape, therefore contributing to various addictions.
Why is it so hard in our day and age to connect sex with affection? probably, it has to do with the erroneous idea that to love someone, one must be in a permanent relationship. Add to this that relationship styles are determined by various external factors — factors which often lead to unhappy people, or people so disconnected from themselves that they run to the other extreme…the empty superficial and, at the end of the day, lonely extreme. If we were to manage to give sexuality more affective status and allow ourselves to define our relationships versus allowing others to do so for us, we could convert the old and problematic “libidinous energy” into a more humanistic experience- an experience where unhealthy repression, compulsive attachment nor empty encounters become the norm.
Evolved sexuality is more than just physical, it is emotional passion directed toward another. It makes two like-minded people who like and/or love each other seem like one.
Sex anyone can have, but wild yet healing ecstasy can only be enjoyed through the implementation of loving yet uninhibited sexuality that goes beyond boxes and labels while maintaining its humanity — for to be human is the most glorious thing and the orgasm is one of life’s most powerful gifts to us — it can heal or destroy, the choice is yours. We must learn to release programming and mold sexuality to our uniqueness. Therefore, sexuality is personal and not transferable; it is the particular way in which we mix love and sex to give ourselves pleasure.
Ultimately, the interpretation and practice of healthy sexuality is a deeply personal matter, and individuals should have the freedom to explore and express their own unique experiences and desires within the bounds of consent and respect for themselves and others.
Eiros 